hello everyone
i woke this morning wondering what i would write in todays journal...it was decided for me earlier. several weeks ago it was arranged that i would have some more loft insulation put in. my dad decided that he would come and help as i would't be able to get 12 years of stuff from my loft on my own. so he came after lunch. it was ok for a while and was finding lots of rubbish that was thrown out, but then it happened...all my old love letters, valentines cards, engagement cards, wedding cards, birthday cards, birth and christening cards and tons of old photo's that i had recieved while married.
it really felt like i was being stabbed in the heart again. i will of been divored for 6 years in december but today has brought back all the abuse, suffering, and heartache that my children and i went through.this job really should of been done 6 years ago when it was still all raw but for some reason it got overlooked...i now wish it hadn't of been. i'm so glad that my kids were at school.
lucky for me my daddy was there to put his arms around me and give me a love. "thats it all over with now" he said "he isn't anywhere in the house anymore, i'm so sorry you have had to go through it all again" at this point he gives me a big cuddle again and hands me some toilet roll to wipe my face...which now looked like a big dirty tomatoe (from all the sweat, tears and 12 years of dust!)
so today i feel like a chapter of my life has finally been closed. some people feel that closure is a good thing...it doesn't seem that way at the moment but maybe it will later.
i might oneday tell you about my marriage and what happened...i can't at the moment...as it feels like its just happened all over again.
sorry i'm depressed i promise to be happy tomorrow!
love and warm feelings for each and everyone of you.
11 comments:
I can imagine how hard that was for you. I get emotional when I come across old stuff that has good memories! Still, it is done now and cannot upset you in the future. Good old Dad, nothing like them is there? I can imagine him giving you a cuddle. Still miss my Dad. xxxxx
I can only imagine how you felt. That was so sad to read, but I was also happy to read you had your Dad to help put things back on track. Dad's are special!
Thanks for the comment on my journal...it means a lot!!
Hugs...
Joyce
Sorry to hear all that stuff up the loft bought back sad memories and that it upset you so much. Good old Dad to the rescue to give you a big hug. Jeanx
Joanne - To put in loft insulation you have to clear out the loft - lots of rubbish to throw away - things from the past - some are best thrown away - The Happy one's keep and treasure - the bad ones bin...When you are ready write about your bad experience - weather you log it here or choose just to write it down somewhere else - then having done that burn it. It helps to write things down...Ally
Sweetie, this is YOUR journal. You write for yourself first. It doesn't always have to be happy. I like to think of it as group therapy. Only you don't have to sit in a circle drinking stale coffee, opening up your heart to a bunch of strangers face to face. We are all invisible friends in J-Land. That makes a difference.
My dear, you wouldn't be normal if you didn't have down days ;o)
I'm sorry that you came across all that old stuff today, and that it brought back unhappy memories for you. And I'm glad that your Daddy was there for the special hugs that only a Daddy can give.
Here's a ((((( hug ))))) from me too.
Sara x
Joanne,
I am so sorry that you are having a tough time. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Know that I am sending you positive thoughts and prayers to help you through.
Be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Poetry:
Don't apologise I feel proud that you have told us as much as you have :-) You only write what you wanna in a journal and that's all!! I'm glad you had your dad there ((((((((hugs))))))))))
Sorry you had to go through that rough time but with Dad's arms about you will do fine. Maybe it was meant to be so you could get rid of all those feelings and get on with your life. Helen
Hi Joanne, I know exactly how you are feeling x 3.....yes 3 divorces behind me and each was so painful in its own way...mainly the childrens father was the most hard! It still hurts this far down the line and I still cry 21 years down the line, it does get better honey, believe me, but every so often it does come back but not so hard....and there are some lovely men out there...I know cos I found one in Rob!!!
(((( hugs Joanne )))) xxRache
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