good morning to all my friends.

It is so quiet in my house! Charlieboy stayed and mum and dads last night and its soooooooo peacefull here without him. Don't get me wrong, I adore the boy, but at the moment if Charlieboy and Bet-Bet are anywhere near each other it id like a war zone. They act as if they truly hate each other! They grit their teeth and just stare. Its quite scary at times! He will be back later...after Bet-Bet has gone to respite for the afternoon!

I have got loads to do today. Bet-Bet is off for her monthly stay away from home. She will leave in the morning in the taxi for school and come home after school on Wednesday. She enjoys her stays away as she gets to go out after school and have loads of fun. She is into shouting at the top of her voice at the moment! So it will seem really peaceful when she is away.

When she was born it was the worst week of my life. I was so excited to be having a baby, and was convinced it would be a girl. I had a horrendous labour...it lasted 37 hours, she was eventually born with help from the consultant. I was so happy. My ex shouted its a boy! The midwife said no its a girl!! I was totally so happy, in fact it was the happiest moment of my life.

We both got cleaned up and put into a side room. I thought it was strange that they did this...but then thought maybe its because i had a rough time. Mum and Dad came to visit. Bethany was the first grandchild. Mum was as excited as me. While they were with us a Dr came. 'I understand you were concered about your babies eyes', he said to Kevin. 'Her eyes look different to my other 2 when they were born' he replied. so i shouted at him....'WHAT DO YOU EXPECT SHE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE...SHE HAS JUST BEEN PULLED OUT OF ME WITH BIG BIG LUMPS OF METAL ROUND HER HEAD....MR DR GO AWAY SHE IS FINE!'

So off they all went and i fell fast asleep. when i woke up i looked at Bethany...yes she did look a little different to how i expected. 'Don't be silly your tired and haven't slept for days' I told myself.

well, to cut a long story short the peadiatrician came in the morning, looked at Betbet and decided she needed tests as her heart didn't sound right. When i ,amaged to talk i asked him 'Does my baby have downs syndrome?'....'Yes we think she does...is there anyone we could get to come and sit with you' Yes you guessed right...i was all on my own. No Kevin...no mum and dad...no-one.

They took her off for tests on her heart...wouldn't let me go..apparently i was too upset!! When Kevin finally got there i was in such a state he thought she had died.

It has been hard having to cope with Bethany's downs...i have never really accepted it and probably never ever will, but we get on ok. Kevin isn't here anymore, he decided he would rather be a junkie than a daddy and a husband just after i had charlie.....his lose!

Today is clare and stuarts 5th anniversary.....Have a brilliant day guys! You are my best friend and i thank you for that. Thank you also for letting me into your lives and for allowing me to be Cory's godmother. I will always look out for him.

Tomorrow is Nan's anniversary. 4 years since she left us. I hope you are sleeping well nanny...i think about you everyday. I hope you and grandad are keeping each other warm. SWEET DREAMS FOREVER...SWEET DREAMS. I love you so much.

I hope you all have a truly lovely Sunday. See you all soon. Take care.

love

JOANNE