Friday, 28 October 2005

Daddy's poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.

Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.

What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.

And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.                                         

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.

About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.

To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.

Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.

"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,

"Looks like another deadbeatdad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.

And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
                                                                                 And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.

But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.

All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
                                                                                  He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.

And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart

I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.

Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
                                                                              Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.

Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.

She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,                                                 
he's my shining star.

And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far

You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year

When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.

A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.

Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.

And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.

But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
                                                                                 And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.

And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.


Hello to all my journal friends. I can only appologise for my not writing in so very children seem to take up 110% of my time at the moment one way or another.

I felt i had to share this poem with you, it was sent to me by a friend. I straight away knew that everyone who reads my journal, if there are any still, would appreciate it as much as i did.

I have been reading all your journals still daily.

Hope you are all well.

Love you all lots, take care


Wednesday, 12 October 2005



Hello everyone,

I must appologise for not posting an entry before now, sorry!

My cold went to my chest and decided it was going to turn into bronchitis, so i really haven't felt much like writing as i have been down in dumps big time. I eventually went to the doctors on Monday. She took one look at me and said ooooooooooo you don't look well! She listened to my chest and told me what was what but also added that she thought i could be asthmatic. This i'm not worried about as my brother, my neice, and my daughter all get a flare up of asthma when they get a cold, so i know it won't be anything permenent.

I also mentioned that my leg goes funny on the calf with numbness and pins and neddles, so i have to take a urine test to the doctors next time i'm out. Clare told me weeks ago that she thought i might be diabetic as i am running to the loo more than normal. We will see...again I'm not overly worried, if I am I am and there is nothing i can do to change it...apart from giving up chocolate which i will find hard as sometimes i just need to have some...not often though.

I have been reading journals and have left some comments but not much else...housework has come to a grinding halt. I will have to get my finger out tomorrow though as the men are coming to put my loft insulation in!

Mum and Dad are back from their holiday. they are so brown!! They had a lovely time and a good rest, which they both deserved. They are off again soon, but only to norfolk, on a holiday that i won. Me and the boys are going for a long weekend as it is the week after halfterm.

Good news for you all though. Baby Bryce is completely spot free! they left as quick as they disappeared...another mystery that will never be explained! His ear is lots better now. the swelling has gone and bruising is minimal. He has since his accident started to have temper tantrums?? Had his ear checked when i went to the doctors and they said it looked fine so i think it is just coincidence and he is starting to get older!

As i said in the beggining this entry is for Joyce. She is having a hard time at the moment but still managed to find the time to email me to check that we were all ok and had no problems. This meant a lot to me and i just want to tell her thanks very much for your kind words.

Well thats me for tonight have 3 kids to bath and then put to bed.

All my love

Wednesday, 5 October 2005

oh my god....

I have just returned from our local hospital. My dear baby Bryce decided it would be really good fun to twizzle round and round and round......

Yes you guess he fell over onto the corner of the coffee table and has well and truly smashed his ear. It is black! there was blood. I was hysterical...yes i know the worst thing you can do...but he is my babe and it was his first proper accident.

They were going to glue up the damaged bit of ear but didn't because it is so swollen with blood and fluid and will need an exit point so it doesn't turn to puss.

No sleep for me tonight i think...will be laying with 1 eye open listening incase he is sick

night night everyone. i will do another entry to let you know how master accident prone is doing...

lots of love



We have been to the doctors. doctor was unable to tell me what baby bryces spots were but said it is probably a viral infection. i will have to take her word for it but i'm not convinced.

She said it is fine for me to take the antibiotics that i have as i only got them a while ago and as i'm feeling better already they must be working.

I want to say how sorry i feel for Joyce. she is really going through it at the moment. I am thinking about you Joyce.

Baby is in bed having a nap so i'm going to cuddle up with charlie boy for a little while before bet-bet comes home from school

love to you all



morning everyone!

I have made the call to the doctor for an appoitment for baby bryce. he is still covered with spots although they are only on his back. They look quite cross! I've managed to get myself in a state that he could have German Measels,as i'm sure this starts off with a cold...does anyone know if this is correct. He seems well in himself though although is a little more cuddly than usual.

When we get to the doctors we have to go into isolation!! Thats made me wonder if there is something going round!

Baby has been really well since he was born apart from the milk allergy and a chest infection when he was smaller. Its funny when you are a mummy you know when something is wrong...even when the PROFESSIONALS swear your child is completely well. this has happened to my bet-bet and bryce.

1. bethany had been ill for days, i had taken her to the doctors loads of times to be told she was ok....funny! if i was unable to breath i wouldn't say i was well. she went to her respite care for a couple of hours to so that i could have a little rest. They brought her home early saying they were concered with her I phoned NHS direct fior advice as the dodctor wasn't interested.

5 minutes later when the ambulance with blue lights and sirens pulled up was one of the most frightening moments of my life.

off we went to hospital, she was looked at breifly and shoved in a room. "her chest does sound clear" said the doctor "we will do some obs and then see whats whats. ok i thought at least we in the right place.

BUT, when they put a thing on her finger to test the amount of oxygen in her blood all hell broke was supposed to be 98-99% oxygen in the blood, Bet-bets was only 75%.

I have never seem people panic so much...on went the oxygen mask we were put in a nice room with a bed and treated like royalty...i have often wondered if this is because they realised i had been right all along!

we ended up in hospital with double pneumonia for a week and convalesing for another 2....when i go the gp now he normally is waiting with a prescription ready for me! i just think its a pity they didn't listen in the first place.

2. when baby bryce was born i attempted to feed him was ok for a few days but i just couldn't manage it so i put him on the i didn't feel guilty at this point as he had had all the milk that was full of goodness from me. withindays he had the most horrendous dioarohea. off to the he's fine. off to the health visitor...he is gaining weight so therefore must be fine. different doctor...see how it goes for a few weeks.

By this time my poor baby was pooing quicker than he was eating so was at the point of drinking bottles every 2 hours...boy this was hard as for 2 weeks i didn't even manage to hardly get into bed let alone sleep.

When his nappies eventually ended up with mucas in them instead of poo we went back again to the doctor and i told him...MY BABY HAS GOT A MILK ALLERGY...DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW OR I WILL TAKE HIM TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM MYSELF.

so we got a script for soya milk went home and....yes i was right again...he slept for 6 hours without a murmur or a poo or a tummy ache. it was like having a different baby. if he has anything with milk in it now he gets a really bad tummy ache and terrible diarrohea for days afterwards

So hopefully he will get on ok later...i don't think it is heat spots though as they would of gone by now and he isn't hot.

I will let you all know later how he gets on...I'm sure he will be fine!

this has turned out to be a long entry...sorry!

I just hope its not measels as i won't be able to see ma and pa for a while when they come home.......

hope you all have a good day



p.s i'm feeling better today...i found some antibitics from a sinus infection a few months ago which i started taking last night which i started taking yesterday which i know is a bit naughty but i just cannot be ill when i have my babies to look after! 

Tuesday, 4 October 2005

what a night

Well hello to everyone who reads my journal.

I was going to write about my day out with Clare tonight, but have changed my offence Clare it was lovely us being together with our babies!

My dear sweet baby bryce has developed spots all over his back! he has got the cold bug that i have so i'm wondering if maybe it has spread to some other part of him. I know mine has gone to my chest.

bryce has never ever been any problem to put to bed. Half 7 and up he goes wether he is tired or not, i learned my lesson with charlie boy about getting them up if they moan, he still doesn't go to bed now. tonight was a different matter!

Moan Moan Grizzle Grizzle...if i do it load she might come...scream. OK son i get the message you don't want to go to bed. So down he comes and laughs at me. I let him run for 10 minutes then tell him...back to bed baby NO ARGUMENTS. So back we go bryce laughing and kissing me. gets into the cot, plays silly man as always not letting me cover him up, smiles like an angel, then screams and sreams and screams.

Now i have watched the tv programs where you are told let them cry, check on them, but let them cry. But boy, i never ever knew my boys lungs were that good. back up i went to try and settle him and he litterally jumped out of his cot and held on to me so hard i thought he was going to draw blood.

He finally collapsed on my lap about 20 minutes later still giving little I think it will be doctors for both  of us first thing in the morning. I don't think the spots are anything nasty they dissapeared when i put a glass on them so fingers crossed he has a sore throat or ears.

Oh i really wish my mum was here. She would of been straight round tonight to help me and decide what the spots are! only 36 more hours till we can go round and give them loads of hugs and kisses...if we are all healthy enough anyway!

Lots of love to you, and thanks for all the possitive comments you all gave me on my last all made me feel so much better about myself. Who needs a man anyway...not me!


Monday, 3 October 2005

i'm still about

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to let you all know i am still about but haven't done an entry for a few days as last week wasn't really a good one for me.

I split up with my boyfriend. Only been with him 3 months but it seemed longer than that. I realised on Monday morning that all the promises he had been making me...I will fall in love with you...I think we will live together...I love your kids...were just ways for him to get a good home cooked meal every night, all his washing and ironing done, and errands run amongst other things. I finally woke up and decided that i was in love with the idea of being in love...does this sound strange? I have been on my own now since June 2003 (apart from the above mentioned) sothe attention he gave me was lovely... I must have been wearing my rose collered glasses though.

When he said things like "you should be walking to the shops everyday to loose some weight" i must of been in cookoo land...he knew how i looked when we met. I don't think i'm badly overweight, size 16 is acceptable i think. yes i could do with shifting a few pounds, and yes i might feel better for it, but i need to do it because i want to and not being told too!

Anyway....I went for bet-bets parents evening. she has settled well in the high school and there are no problems really to report, apart from she does take her time to go inside after outdoor playtime. The teachers have assigned her a student helper now to encourage her to be a bit quicker! Good luck i say...she is as stubourn as a mule!

Most of last week was spent with my clare and her baby, godson! He is so totally perfect. I didn't realise it was possible to love a baby so much that you didn't actually give birth too. He has started to crawl this week which i think is smashing...especially when he crawled straight for me yesterday when they were here for dinner...that gave me wet wet eyes i can tell you.

Only got a few days left till ma and pa return from their seems like a lifetime that they have been away. i will be at their house first thing thursday morning for a cuddle and so they can see baby bryce. They phoned on Wednesday tea time. It was so funny when they spoke to Bryce...he was totally dumb founded and was unable to speak for at least 5 minutes afterward from shock!

Baby bryce and I have managed to get a cold from somewhere, so we are going to be staying home alday all nice and warm. It seems so cold today...maybe thats because i'm under the weather. He is eating an apple at the moment...i have never seem a baby eat so much fruit before! He has a bad milk allergy so most sweets are not allowed so he has fruit instead...thats good though as some children wont eat much fruit. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

I will go now as i want to put the fire on and try to warm my bones up! we all have to be better by thursday so we can go see m,a and pa...mum has bad rheumatoid arthritis so we not allowed near when we are ill as she has poor immunity and it would make her really ill if she even caught a common  cold.

Thanks to everyone who has been enquiring as to my whereabouts! didn't know i had people looking out for me!

Love and warm feelings to you all