Monday 12 December 2005

THANKS YOU'S

GOOD EVENING TO YOU ALL.

I WANTED TO JUST STOP BY QUICKLY AND THANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS THAT YOU ADDED FROM MY ENTRY YESTERDAY! IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME WHAT YOU ALL PUT.

I DIDN'T DO MUCH TODAY. WENT TO IPSWICH FOR A NOSE AROUND THE SHOPS....WAS REALLY GOOD AND ONLY SPENT 10 POUNDS! MANAGED TO AVOID ALL THE SHOPS THAT I NORMALLY SPEND A FORTUNE IN SO WAS QUITE PLEASED WITH MYSELF!

I'M OFF TO VISIT CLARE TOMORROW FOR THE DAY. WE HAVEN'T SEEN MUCH OF EACHOTHER RECENTLY DUE TO ALL THE SICKNESS SO WE HAVE A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO!

I HAVE FINISHED MY XMAS SHOPPING....I THINK! I HAVE A NASTY THOUGHT THAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMEBODY IMPORTANT! I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME THINK WHO IT IS THOUGH......THATS WHY I'VE FORGOTTEN OBVIOUSLY.

ANYWAY I SEEM TO BE RAMBLING SO IT MUST BE TIME FOR ME TO GO AND GET MY BEAUTY SLEEP......THAT WILL TAKE LOADS OF SLEEP TO ACHEIVE BELIEVE ME!

TAKE CARE ALL MY LOVELY JOURNAL FRIENDS.

JOANNE

PS I HAVE A MASSIVE BAR OF DARK CHOCOLATE TO EAT IN BED TONIGHT!!

 

Sunday 11 December 2005

hello's

A big hello to all my journal buddies!

I must start this entry by appologising for not making an entry in a long time. It had been manic here just lately, with lots of hospital appointments and things going on in general.

Bethany managed to bring a sickness bug home! She was sick Monday morning...baby had it by the afternoon, and Charlie and myself had it all day Wednesday. At least is all over with before the xmas fun starts!

Bryce had an eye check up a couple of weeks ago...they took special photos of his eyes with a machine. Would you believe he cannot focus in one of his eye's! He can see nothing, just colours and light and dark! I told them when he was small i thought there was a problem...i was right....AGAIN!!! We were meant to go to the hospital on Wednesday but had to cancel due to us being ill so have to wait now for another slot. Thank god the other eye seems to be ok. He will need glasses for definate and possibly an operation at some point.

I have excellent news for you all! I had to have a bowel biopsy a couple of weeks ago. I got the results Friday......CLEAR!!!! You cannot believe how worried I have been. Got to go back for a review in 3 months and to the gp as i need medication, but the worry of having cancer has now gone and i can live with the medication! I think this is part of the reason for not doing an entry....i have been on the point of a breakdown due to the worry of what would happen if i didn't get the result I wanted...kept thinking about my babies and what would happen if they did find something nasty. I now have to concentrate on getting my house shipshape for xmas and get back to normal again.

I promise i have been reading all your journals on a daily basis....they have kept me going!!!

I will be back in the week as i will have news for you about bet-bet's cardiac check-up. She was a star this week when we went for the ECG and X-Ray....i was so proud of her! We see the specialist on Thursday so please all of you who pray or talk to god, have a little word with him for me!!

Take care all of you.........I love you all loads and loads!!

Hugs and happy thoughts

Sunday 20 November 2005

good morning to all my friends.

It is so quiet in my house! Charlieboy stayed and mum and dads last night and its soooooooo peacefull here without him. Don't get me wrong, I adore the boy, but at the moment if Charlieboy and Bet-Bet are anywhere near each other it id like a war zone. They act as if they truly hate each other! They grit their teeth and just stare. Its quite scary at times! He will be back later...after Bet-Bet has gone to respite for the afternoon!

I have got loads to do today. Bet-Bet is off for her monthly stay away from home. She will leave in the morning in the taxi for school and come home after school on Wednesday. She enjoys her stays away as she gets to go out after school and have loads of fun. She is into shouting at the top of her voice at the moment! So it will seem really peaceful when she is away.

When she was born it was the worst week of my life. I was so excited to be having a baby, and was convinced it would be a girl. I had a horrendous labour...it lasted 37 hours, she was eventually born with help from the consultant. I was so happy. My ex shouted its a boy! The midwife said no its a girl!! I was totally so happy, in fact it was the happiest moment of my life.

We both got cleaned up and put into a side room. I thought it was strange that they did this...but then thought maybe its because i had a rough time. Mum and Dad came to visit. Bethany was the first grandchild. Mum was as excited as me. While they were with us a Dr came. 'I understand you were concered about your babies eyes', he said to Kevin. 'Her eyes look different to my other 2 when they were born' he replied. so i shouted at him....'WHAT DO YOU EXPECT SHE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE...SHE HAS JUST BEEN PULLED OUT OF ME WITH BIG BIG LUMPS OF METAL ROUND HER HEAD....MR DR GO AWAY SHE IS FINE!'

So off they all went and i fell fast asleep. when i woke up i looked at Bethany...yes she did look a little different to how i expected. 'Don't be silly your tired and haven't slept for days' I told myself.

well, to cut a long story short the peadiatrician came in the morning, looked at Betbet and decided she needed tests as her heart didn't sound right. When i ,amaged to talk i asked him 'Does my baby have downs syndrome?'....'Yes we think she does...is there anyone we could get to come and sit with you' Yes you guessed right...i was all on my own. No Kevin...no mum and dad...no-one.

They took her off for tests on her heart...wouldn't let me go..apparently i was too upset!! When Kevin finally got there i was in such a state he thought she had died.

It has been hard having to cope with Bethany's downs...i have never really accepted it and probably never ever will, but we get on ok. Kevin isn't here anymore, he decided he would rather be a junkie than a daddy and a husband just after i had charlie.....his lose!

Today is clare and stuarts 5th anniversary.....Have a brilliant day guys! You are my best friend and i thank you for that. Thank you also for letting me into your lives and for allowing me to be Cory's godmother. I will always look out for him.

Tomorrow is Nan's anniversary. 4 years since she left us. I hope you are sleeping well nanny...i think about you everyday. I hope you and grandad are keeping each other warm. SWEET DREAMS FOREVER...SWEET DREAMS. I love you so much.

I hope you all have a truly lovely Sunday. See you all soon. Take care.

love

JOANNE

Thursday 17 November 2005

strange

Well i don't have any idea what is going on with these journals!

Last night mine had dissapeared...completely...and now it has come back again!

Strange!!

I will come do an entry later as Bet-Bet decided to be sick about 30 seconds before she got in her taxi this morning for school and she needs me!

Love and kisses to you all.

Joanne

xxx

 

Sunday 13 November 2005

a will

I haven't added my mood from the above list....as it doesn't include confused.

I have recently been showing signs on a health problem. I finally went to the doctor in the week and have been refered to a neurologist. I came home and decided to look on the web at diagnostic heath thingy's. This was a big mistake! I have all the symptoms of MS. I have managed to convince myself of this. I hope to god it isn't...I have my babies to look after...if something ever happens to me what would happen to them.

The eldest 2's dad walks right past them in the street and doesn't acknowledge them in any way...i do not understand him...i would die if i didn't see them. The babies dad also doesn't have contact...he was a result of contraception that didn't work correctly...this is not an excuse...yes i know i should of been more careful. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me...he's given me a reason to live. Don't get me wrong i totally adore the other 2 and would walk to hell and back for them if needed...but my baby..................

My mum is convinced that my problem isn't neurological. Her mother....my sweet caring adorable nanna...suffered with the same thing...it was a result of furred up arteries. My foot is so painfull at the moment. I could hardly walk on it this morning when i fell out of bed.

Maybe i should just calm down take a deep breath and pull myself together.............sorry i'm writing this how i'm thinking it!

You must all think I am a hypercondriac! I have, if the truth be known been really well for ages, it is hard to be ill when you have three children to look after. I hate asking my mum and dad for help...my clare is good to me. She is the sister i have never had. We are more like sisters than friends thats for sure.

Mum informed me yesterday that i should make a will so if anything ever happened to me the kids would be looked after...who is she trying to kid!! I made enquiries a while ago about one so they would have parental responsability for the kids if anything ever happened. The solicitor told me is wasn't worth the paper it was written on, and if anything ever happened to me the kids "fathers" could apply for guardianship even though they don't see the kids or support them in any way....So I am unsure as to what to do.

I will have to wait for my hospital appointment....haha will still be here in May 2006 waiting for it i expect!!

I hope you all have fantastic weekends.

Love you all too bits.

 

 

Sunday 6 November 2005

fireworks

good morning to everyone.

I hope you are all having a totally brilliant weekend.

Last night i took my son charlie boy to watch banger racing and fireworks at a stadium near to us. We had a totally excellent time. It was lovely to spend quality time with my boy...just the 2 of us... and thousands of other people, who we didn't know so they don't count!

The racing was really good and we saw several car crashes. I felt like i was 10 again. Quite a few of the adults must of thought i was a bit strange as i was jumping about and laughing like all the kids! Never mind you can tell i don't get out enough!!

They also had a stunt attempt. A man tried to drive a robin reliant through 10 caravans that were parked end to end. He only managed to get half way but it was good anyway. I felt quite sorry for him as a few people booed when he failed...I would like to of seen them try!

To finish the evening they had £5000 of fireworks. It was a really great evening and i have promised my boy we will go again soon...although not too much as it then stops being a special treat!

We came home to dear mummy, my babysitter for the evening, and the ONLY person i trust to look after my kids...apart from my bestest friend miss Clarabel!

This is where i become upset and rant and rave...sorry to you all now!

BLOODY PEOPLE WHO SET FIREWORKS OFF TILL MIDNIGHT IN A BUILT UP AREA ARE SO INCONSIDERATE TO OTHERS!!

That feels better already. I have had to sit in my house for the best part of a week now listening to bangers going off at a completely ridiculous hour. It will carry on for days as yet so chances are i will become more and more frustrated on this matter.

What bothers me more than anything is that these fireworks are probably being set off by kids and are not being done the correct way. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy fireworks as much as the next person...in the correct setting!

If i didn't have Bet-Bet and Baby Bryce i probably wouldn't let it wind me up so much, its just that the constant banging disturbs them. Bet-Bet doesn't like the load bangs as she doesn't understand...and Baby is a a baby so he can't work it out either!

Oh well we will have to put up with it for a few more days i expect then we will return to peace and quiet again!

Today is a bit of a sad day for me. It is 19 years since my lovely grandad passed over, so i will be thinking about that a lot today. I will visit mum and give her a great big hug...she will know what it is for. I couldn't imagine my life without them with me...I really don't know what i will do when that day comes. November is a bad month for me as it is also when my nanny died. I always seem to take a big nose dive about now. It always scares me when i feel like this. When nanna first died it tipped me over the edge and i had a full blown breakdown so i worry that it will happen again. i must think positive thought's...please keep reminding me of this! Happy thoughts are better i know but sometimes.......................

I hope you all enjoy your weekend.

Love and hugs to you all

grandad forever in my heart and always in my thoughts...you would of loved my babies...and they would of loved you. miss you still so much. kiss nanny for me. xXx

Friday 28 October 2005

Daddy's poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.

Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.

What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.

And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.                                         

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.

About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.

To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.

Each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.

"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,

"Looks like another deadbeatdad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.

And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
                                                                                 And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.

But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.

All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
                                                                                  He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.

And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart

I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.

Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
                                                                              Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.

Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.

She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,                                                 
he's my shining star.

And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far

You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year

When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.

A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.

Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.

And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.

But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
                                                                                 And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.

And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

 

Hello to all my journal friends. I can only appologise for my not writing in so very long...my children seem to take up 110% of my time at the moment one way or another.

I felt i had to share this poem with you, it was sent to me by a friend. I straight away knew that everyone who reads my journal, if there are any still, would appreciate it as much as i did.

I have been reading all your journals still daily.

Hope you are all well.

Love you all lots, take care

Joanne

Wednesday 12 October 2005

hello

THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR JOYCE!

Hello everyone,

I must appologise for not posting an entry before now, sorry!

My cold went to my chest and decided it was going to turn into bronchitis, so i really haven't felt much like writing as i have been down in dumps big time. I eventually went to the doctors on Monday. She took one look at me and said ooooooooooo you don't look well! She listened to my chest and told me what was what but also added that she thought i could be asthmatic. This i'm not worried about as my brother, my neice, and my daughter all get a flare up of asthma when they get a cold, so i know it won't be anything permenent.

I also mentioned that my leg goes funny on the calf with numbness and pins and neddles, so i have to take a urine test to the doctors next time i'm out. Clare told me weeks ago that she thought i might be diabetic as i am running to the loo more than normal. We will see...again I'm not overly worried, if I am I am and there is nothing i can do to change it...apart from giving up chocolate which i will find hard as sometimes i just need to have some...not often though.

I have been reading journals and have left some comments but not much else...housework has come to a grinding halt. I will have to get my finger out tomorrow though as the men are coming to put my loft insulation in!

Mum and Dad are back from their holiday. they are so brown!! They had a lovely time and a good rest, which they both deserved. They are off again soon, but only to norfolk, on a holiday that i won. Me and the boys are going for a long weekend as it is the week after halfterm.

Good news for you all though. Baby Bryce is completely spot free! they left as quick as they disappeared...another mystery that will never be explained! His ear is lots better now. the swelling has gone and bruising is minimal. He has since his accident started to have temper tantrums?? Had his ear checked when i went to the doctors and they said it looked fine so i think it is just coincidence and he is starting to get older!

As i said in the beggining this entry is for Joyce. She is having a hard time at the moment but still managed to find the time to email me to check that we were all ok and had no problems. This meant a lot to me and i just want to tell her thanks very much for your kind words.

Well thats me for tonight have 3 kids to bath and then put to bed.

All my love

Wednesday 5 October 2005

oh my god....

I have just returned from our local hospital. My dear baby Bryce decided it would be really good fun to twizzle round and round and round......

Yes you guess he fell over onto the corner of the coffee table and has well and truly smashed his ear. It is black! there was blood. I was hysterical...yes i know the worst thing you can do...but he is my babe and it was his first proper accident.

They were going to glue up the damaged bit of ear but didn't because it is so swollen with blood and fluid and will need an exit point so it doesn't turn to puss.

No sleep for me tonight i think...will be laying with 1 eye open listening incase he is sick

night night everyone. i will do another entry to let you know how master accident prone is doing...

lots of love

JOANNE

doctors

We have been to the doctors. doctor was unable to tell me what baby bryces spots were but said it is probably a viral infection. i will have to take her word for it but i'm not convinced.

She said it is fine for me to take the antibiotics that i have as i only got them a while ago and as i'm feeling better already they must be working.

I want to say how sorry i feel for Joyce. she is really going through it at the moment. I am thinking about you Joyce.

Baby is in bed having a nap so i'm going to cuddle up with charlie boy for a little while before bet-bet comes home from school

love to you all

JOANNE

goodmorning

morning everyone!

I have made the call to the doctor for an appoitment for baby bryce. he is still covered with spots although they are only on his back. They look quite cross! I've managed to get myself in a state that he could have German Measels,as i'm sure this starts off with a cold...does anyone know if this is correct. He seems well in himself though although is a little more cuddly than usual.

When we get to the doctors we have to go into isolation!! Thats made me wonder if there is something going round!

Baby has been really well since he was born apart from the milk allergy and a chest infection when he was smaller. Its funny when you are a mummy you know when something is wrong...even when the PROFESSIONALS swear your child is completely well. this has happened to my bet-bet and bryce.

1. bethany had been ill for days, i had taken her to the doctors loads of times to be told she was ok....funny! if i was unable to breath i wouldn't say i was well. she went to her respite care for a couple of hours to so that i could have a little rest. They brought her home early saying they were concered with her beathing...so I phoned NHS direct fior advice as the dodctor wasn't interested.

5 minutes later when the ambulance with blue lights and sirens pulled up was one of the most frightening moments of my life.

off we went to hospital, she was looked at breifly and shoved in a room. "her chest does sound clear" said the doctor "we will do some obs and then see whats whats. ok i thought at least we in the right place.

BUT, when they put a thing on her finger to test the amount of oxygen in her blood all hell broke out....it was supposed to be 98-99% oxygen in the blood, Bet-bets was only 75%.

I have never seem people panic so much...on went the oxygen mask we were put in a nice room with a bed and treated like royalty...i have often wondered if this is because they realised i had been right all along!

we ended up in hospital with double pneumonia for a week and convalesing for another 2....when i go the gp now he normally is waiting with a prescription ready for me! i just think its a pity they didn't listen in the first place.

2. when baby bryce was born i attempted to feed him myself...it was ok for a few days but i just couldn't manage it so i put him on the bottle...no i didn't feel guilty at this point as he had had all the milk that was full of goodness from me. withindays he had the most horrendous dioarohea. off to the doctors...no he's fine. off to the health visitor...he is gaining weight so therefore must be fine. different doctor...see how it goes for a few weeks.

By this time my poor baby was pooing quicker than he was eating so was at the point of drinking bottles every 2 hours...boy this was hard as for 2 weeks i didn't even manage to hardly get into bed let alone sleep.

When his nappies eventually ended up with mucas in them instead of poo we went back again to the doctor and i told him...MY BABY HAS GOT A MILK ALLERGY...DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW OR I WILL TAKE HIM TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM MYSELF.

so we got a script for soya milk went home and....yes i was right again...he slept for 6 hours without a murmur or a poo or a tummy ache. it was like having a different baby. if he has anything with milk in it now he gets a really bad tummy ache and terrible diarrohea for days afterwards

So hopefully he will get on ok later...i don't think it is heat spots though as they would of gone by now and he isn't hot.

I will let you all know later how he gets on...I'm sure he will be fine!

this has turned out to be a long entry...sorry!

I just hope its not measels as i won't be able to see ma and pa for a while when they come home.......

hope you all have a good day

love

JOANNE

p.s i'm feeling better today...i found some antibitics from a sinus infection a few months ago which i started taking last night which i started taking yesterday which i know is a bit naughty but i just cannot be ill when i have my babies to look after! 

Tuesday 4 October 2005

what a night

Well hello to everyone who reads my journal.

I was going to write about my day out with Clare tonight, but have changed my mind...no offence Clare it was lovely us being together with our babies!

My dear sweet baby bryce has developed spots all over his back! he has got the cold bug that i have so i'm wondering if maybe it has spread to some other part of him. I know mine has gone to my chest.

bryce has never ever been any problem to put to bed. Half 7 and up he goes wether he is tired or not, i learned my lesson with charlie boy about getting them up if they moan, he still doesn't go to bed now. tonight was a different matter!

Moan Moan Grizzle Grizzle...if i do it load she might come...scream. OK son i get the message you don't want to go to bed. So down he comes and laughs at me. I let him run for 10 minutes then tell him...back to bed baby NO ARGUMENTS. So back we go bryce laughing and kissing me. gets into the cot, plays silly man as always not letting me cover him up, smiles like an angel, then screams and sreams and screams.

Now i have watched the tv programs where you are told let them cry, check on them, but let them cry. But boy, i never ever knew my boys lungs were that good. back up i went to try and settle him and he litterally jumped out of his cot and held on to me so hard i thought he was going to draw blood.

He finally collapsed on my lap about 20 minutes later still giving little sobs...so I think it will be doctors for both  of us first thing in the morning. I don't think the spots are anything nasty they dissapeared when i put a glass on them so fingers crossed he has a sore throat or ears.

Oh i really wish my mum was here. She would of been straight round tonight to help me and decide what the spots are! only 36 more hours till we can go round and give them loads of hugs and kisses...if we are all healthy enough anyway!

Lots of love to you, and thanks for all the possitive comments you all gave me on my last entry...you all made me feel so much better about myself. Who needs a man anyway...not me!

RIP RONNIE BARKER....NEVER WILL WE FORGET SOMEONE SO FUNNY

Monday 3 October 2005

i'm still about

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to let you all know i am still about but haven't done an entry for a few days as last week wasn't really a good one for me.

I split up with my boyfriend. Only been with him 3 months but it seemed longer than that. I realised on Monday morning that all the promises he had been making me...I will fall in love with you...I think we will live together...I love your kids...were just ways for him to get a good home cooked meal every night, all his washing and ironing done, and errands run amongst other things. I finally woke up and decided that i was in love with the idea of being in love...does this sound strange? I have been on my own now since June 2003 (apart from the above mentioned) sothe attention he gave me was lovely... I must have been wearing my rose collered glasses though.

When he said things like "you should be walking to the shops everyday to loose some weight" i must of been in cookoo land...he knew how i looked when we met. I don't think i'm badly overweight, size 16 is acceptable i think. yes i could do with shifting a few pounds, and yes i might feel better for it, but i need to do it because i want to and not being told too!

Anyway....I went for bet-bets parents evening. she has settled well in the high school and there are no problems really to report, apart from she does take her time to go inside after outdoor playtime. The teachers have assigned her a student helper now to encourage her to be a bit quicker! Good luck i say...she is as stubourn as a mule!

Most of last week was spent with my clare and her baby, cory...my godson! He is so totally perfect. I didn't realise it was possible to love a baby so much that you didn't actually give birth too. He has started to crawl this week which i think is smashing...especially when he crawled straight for me yesterday when they were here for dinner...that gave me wet wet eyes i can tell you.

Only got a few days left till ma and pa return from their holiday...it seems like a lifetime that they have been away. i will be at their house first thing thursday morning for a cuddle and so they can see baby bryce. They phoned on Wednesday tea time. It was so funny when they spoke to Bryce...he was totally dumb founded and was unable to speak for at least 5 minutes afterward from shock!

Baby bryce and I have managed to get a cold from somewhere, so we are going to be staying home alday all nice and warm. It seems so cold today...maybe thats because i'm under the weather. He is eating an apple at the moment...i have never seem a baby eat so much fruit before! He has a bad milk allergy so most sweets are not allowed so he has fruit instead...thats good though as some children wont eat much fruit. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

I will go now as i want to put the fire on and try to warm my bones up! we all have to be better by thursday so we can go see m,a and pa...mum has bad rheumatoid arthritis so we not allowed near when we are ill as she has poor immunity and it would make her really ill if she even caught a common  cold.

Thanks to everyone who has been enquiring as to my whereabouts! didn't know i had people looking out for me!

Love and warm feelings to you all

JOANNE

Monday 26 September 2005

thanks everyone

I just wanted to say a great big thank you to all my friends who took the time to go and visit my friend's journal "clares capers"

I sure she will be over the moon that people have read it and left comments!

Bet-Bet has just left and will not be home now till thurday after school, she has gone on her monthly respite stay to Stowmarket. its surprising how much easier it is with 2 kids as opposed to 3! I will probably go into shutdown and keep falling asleep without her here...I do miss her terribly when she goes away. Only got my boys for company now as 50% of my family have left me...mum and dad and now my girl! Its a good job i habven't got any spare cash at the moment or I might have gone away myself for a couple of night's!

Anyway got baby Bryce to dress and charlieboy's packed lunch to make. Have got to go to parents evening at Bet-Bet's school tonight so will add an entry tonight to let you know how well she is getting on...I hope!

love and warm wishes to you all

Sunday 25 September 2005

my best friend

good evening to you all.

I just wanted to tell you that my bestest friend in the world has started a journal.

Please take a minute to drop by and tell her hello...just like you did me when i started.

Thanks very much!

http://journals.aol.co.uk/clareswhisper/clarescapers is the place you need to look.

Take care and hopefully you have all had a good weekend.

Love and cuddles!

Saturday 24 September 2005

oh woe is me!

Hello everybody, i hope you are well.

I knew it would happen...i'm sad and missing my mum and dad! They have only been gone since wednesday morning so its only been 3 and a bit days since i saw them...but i miss them so much it hurts. they are my rocks and apart from my friend clare, the only people i have in the world i can turn to.

They not allowed to ring while they are away as i normally manage to cry hearing their voices...not very grown up...and thats not fair on them as thay then think something has happened and i'm not telling them. I'll live just had to write how i was feeling!

Yesterday was traumatic! I went out in my car with baby Bryce and my godson Cory, (clares baby) to visit cory's grandad for a while, when i heard a deafening noise. thinking it was an aeroplane i ignored it. Several seconds later there it was again. "oh no, I hope thats not what i think it is" i thought to myself. I stopped the car and YES I had a puncture. OK I thought don't panic...get back in the car and drive up to a better place to stop (we were in the middle of the countryside on a narrow road with no path to pull onto), so I carried on up the road until I found a suitable place where I knew my boys would be safe and i was visable to other road users.

At this point i thought i had better phone up the grandad to tell him i would be late...no answer...thats ok he will answer shortly...at this point i could feel myself starting to panic. WHY did this happen when dad was away (told you something would!)

So i phoned grandad Bob again, "I'm now coming", he said "i'm on the drag won't be a minute". "I've got a puncture" as i said this I started to cry, and cry, and cry. Not because i was scared but because i had my babies and was worried!! "I'm now coming" grandad growled.

Suddenly I got a brain wave...WHY HAVEN'T YOU PHONED THE RAC YOU STUPID WOMAN??? So I did...they came..changed the wheel...and off we all went for a cuppa with grandad bob!

I feel so silly now for getting so upset!

We ended the day by going to Bet-Bets school for a coffee afternoon which was really good as i got to meet some of her new teachers and have a proper nose around the senior school where she started a few weeks ago!

Hope you all have a good weekend...casualty on the tv and homemade cottage pie for tea...yummy first one i have made in years!

love and hugs to all my friends!

Tuesday 20 September 2005

hi

Hello to everyone i hope you are all well.

I haven't really been up to much and so couldn't think what to write, so have been having a nosey few days reading other people's journals!

we are all well at this end with no problems to report, makes a change. my parents are off on holiday feo 2 weeks tomorrow morning so you can gaurentee (spelt wrong sorry!) that by thursday something will go wrong and i will be all alone without ma and pa to sort me out! So i hope you are all going to be on-call!!

Baby Bryce is asleep at the moment...he said his first proper word yesterday-to my mum! she had him out by the road and he said "car"...don't be silly i said he never said that! This morning we were waving goodbye to bet-bet and he looked at me and said "CAR"!! Sorry to mother for not believing her...BRYCE I'M YOUR MUMMY..I'VE GOT THE SCAR TO PROVE IT! DO THINGS FOR ME FIRST NOT NANNY! Glad i've got that off my chest! I'm only messing i'm glad he does things for nanny first as they are so in love with eachother!

Thanks to sara for my bounce!

Can anyone give me any good ideas what i could write about...anything to do with my babies or that sort of thing...come on give me some ideas!

I hope you are all well.

take care and keep smiling

love Joanne

THIS IS FOR JOYCE TO WISH HER A SPEEDY RECOVERY. XxX

Thursday 15 September 2005

hello everyone

i woke this morning wondering what i would write in todays journal...it was decided for me earlier. several weeks ago it was arranged that i would have some more loft insulation put in. my dad decided that he would come and help as i would't be able to get 12 years of stuff from my loft on my own. so he came after lunch. it was ok for a while and was finding lots of rubbish that was thrown out, but then it happened...all my old love letters, valentines cards, engagement cards, wedding cards, birthday cards, birth and christening cards and tons of old photo's that i had recieved while married.

it really felt like i was being stabbed in the heart again. i will of been divored for 6 years in december but today has brought back all the abuse, suffering, and heartache that my children and i went through.this job really should of been done 6 years ago when it was still all raw but for some reason it got overlooked...i now wish it hadn't of been. i'm so glad that my kids were at school.

lucky for me my daddy was there to put his arms around me and give me a love. "thats it all over with now" he said "he isn't anywhere in the house anymore, i'm so sorry  you have had to go through it all again" at this point he gives me a big cuddle again and hands me some toilet roll to wipe my face...which now looked like a big dirty tomatoe (from all the sweat, tears and 12 years of dust!)

so today i feel like a chapter of my life has finally been closed. some people feel that closure is a good thing...it doesn't seem that way at the moment but maybe it will later.

i might oneday tell you about my marriage and what happened...i can't at the moment...as it feels like its just happened all over again.

sorry i'm depressed i promise to be happy tomorrow!

love and warm feelings for each and everyone of you.

Wednesday 14 September 2005

all is well

well i'm back again!

bethany got on fine at the hospital. she had put on 4kilo's in weight which wasn't too good but we are getting used to that now. they done a blood test for this reason to check her thyroid gland medication is enough. i wouldn't be surprised if it isn't though as they have never changed the dose and she has been on them for a good 6 years now. it was quite funny when they took the blood...not for bet-bet but for everyone else. picture this is you can-me,16 stone, in my nice white gypsy skirt, rolling around the floor trying to keep her still for the doctor to put in the needle!! you should of been there to see it...i didn't look feminine when they had finished...more like someone who had been wearing the same skirt for 5 days...i was black!! no wonder people get MRSA in hospital it didn't look as though it had been swept let alone washed in weeks. they have also prescribed her some sleeping medication called melatonin. this drug is unlicensed oin the UK but widely used in the US, maybe some of you over the sea know of this?

On a brighter note i spoke to the deputy head at bet-bets school today and voiced my concers about bet-bet haveing sex education. i was really brave and said i didn't feel she was age appropriate to be taught such things. i have given them permission to discuss puberty, periods, and what is appropriate and unappropriate behaviour from other people and how she should act in certain circumstances. the school were very good and even agreed that bethany really wasn't mentally developed to learn about such things just yet, they said there is always a few that aren't ready for such information and it would be no problem excluding her, and others, from the lesson. thanks everyone who commented on this matter yesterday, you all gave me the courage to stand up and be heard...if i don't protect her nobody would!!

i hope you are all well and have had a good day. love and warm feelings

 

xxxxxx

my day

well good morning to you all

i will be doing my main journal entry tonight as Bethany has to go to the hospital this morning for her annual check up. this should be ok as we don't have any major issues at the moment that need addressing.

so i look forward to telling you later about how my day went and how my baby got on! hopefully i won't have to moan about anything today...my last two entries i was felling down in the dumps and this shows in the entries!!

love and warm feelings to you all

JOANNE

XxX

Tuesday 13 September 2005

I CANNOT BELIVE IT

AS I SAID EARLIER I DECIDED TO WAIT UNTIL BETHANY CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL TODAY TO DO MY DIARY ENTRY...I'M SO GLAD I DID. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY BET-BET (HER NICKNAME) SHE HAS MILD TO SERVERE DOWNS SYNDROME SO THEREFORE HAS THE MENTAL AGE OF ABOUT A 4/5 YEAR OLD.

SHE HAS COME HOME TODAY WITH AN OUTLINE OF WHAT LESSONS SHE WILL BE HAVING THIS SCHOOL TERM AND WHAT SORT OF THINGS WILL BE IN THE CIRRICULEM. WELL, I HAD A QUICK LOOK AND TO MY UTTER HORROR THEY ARE GOING TO BE TEACHING MY DEAR SWEET LITTLE GIRL SEX EDUCATION! IT HAS COMPLETELY THROWN ME FOR SIX AND I'M SITTING HERE NOT KNOWING WHAT TO THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE EVEN THINK ABOUT TEACHING MY INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL ABOUT SUCH THINGS? I AM NOT A PRUDE AND HAVE HAD 3 KIDS SO KNOW WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT, MY 9 YEAR OLD BOY KNOWS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT (HE'S ALWAYS SAYING SOMETHING OR OTHER THAT HE HAS HEARD IN THE PLAYGROUND), BUT I JUST CANNOT GET THE MY HEAD AROUND THE FACT THAT THEY ARE GOING TO TEECH A VULNERABLE CHILD ABOUT SOMETHING THAT SHE REALLY HAS NO NEED TO KNOW ABOUT JUST YET.

SO WHAT DO I DO...SAY NOTHING AND SIT HERE WORRIED EVERYDAY. OR GO TO SCHOOL HAVE A GOOD OLD MOAN AND MAKE THEM THINK I'M A PARANOID MOTHER........I THOUGHT TRYING TO TEACH HER FRENCH WAS BAD ENOUGH BUT THIS REALLY DOES TOP IT OFF FOR ME.

MY MUM IS COMING LATER SHE WILL KNOW WHAT TO TELL ME TO DO!

I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL HAD A GOOD DAY TODAY...THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS ABOUT ME TRYING TO DO THE GRAPHICS! THINK I WILL TRY AND FIND AN ON-LINE COURSE ABOUT IT.

TAKE CARE AND LOTS OF WARM FELLINGS FROM ME TO YOU

LOVE

JOANNE

THIS IS ME AND MY SPECIAL GIRL

YAY!!!

THANKS FOR THE PICTURES YOU MADE ME SARA!

JOANNE

JUST MY LUCK!

WELL I'VE MANAGED TO GET A PIC OF A HEART!!

THE OTHERS DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO WORK...MUST BE A FAULT WITH IT AS SARA HAS POINTED OUT TO ME!!

NEVER MIND I WILL KEEP PLAYING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS SO APPOLOGIES IF MY JOURNAL LOOKS A BIT SILLY!

JOANNE

HERE WE GO!

 

 

 

WELL THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT GRAPHICS THANKS TO SARA!

HOP YOU CAN SEE THEM...I CANT!!

JOANNE...THANKS SARA

i need your help!

as you know i am new to doing journals. i have been looking at the links that other people have left me and must admit i am total jelous of some of them. the reason...they are gorgeous to look at!

would someone like to take on the task of trying to explain to me how you go about putting such lovely graphics in your journals?

i'm quit new to the computer and am yet to work out how it works so if someone does want to teach me it will have to be easy...don't worry i'm not thick and will pick it up in no time!

i'm waiting to see how my day goes before adding my entry today...bethany was really upset before school this morning crying to go back to the junior department as she doesn't like the high school...think they must be working her too hard! it could also be because she had her first ever french lesson yesterday...she can't even talk english properly so why they are teaching her french is beyond me. i'm sure they know what they are doing though. so i will add my proper entry when she has come home tonight.

love to all

hugs and warm feelings to each and everyone of you...especially my new friend Jeannette!

JOANNE

Monday 12 September 2005

i'm so annoyed

before i start to rant and rave there is something i want to say. WELL DONE JEANNETTE. Jeannette managed to get to her docs appointment today and i'm really pleased that she managed it. Jeannette is the reason i started my journal and has become my mentor, giving me praise and advising on what i should do in my blog,

Now to the main reason that i felt the need to write this piece today, i hope you don't think it is silly. WHY is it that when i go into a shop and use my debit card to pay for my purchase that 99% of the time the cashier doesn't check that the signature matchs the one on the card?? I know that most people now have a chip and pin card so therefore this doesn't affect them, but for the minority of us that still have to sign surely this is really bad practice. years ago when i worked in a shop we would of been sacked for not using the correct proceedure, but these days people just don't seem to care which for some reason really irritates me big time. I have in fact in the past purchased goods and not even finished signing the slip before the cashier has verrified the card as being mine. why don't you pay with cash then if it makes you so cross,i hear you cry...well why should i? i would rather my purse be stolen with the card in it than no money....as i would never be able to recover stolen money and can cancel my card in an instant. I hope you don't tyhink i am being silly about this...i just had to get it off my chest!

apart fom that i haven't really done much today just the normal things...kids to school then the day with just my little baby bryce. we went and saw my bestest friend in the world this afternoon, Clare. are mums used to be good friens when we were little so it is kind of nice that we are so close now! I have put are picture up for you too see. Clares on the right and i'm on the left of the picture. told you i'd do it clare but you didn't belive me did you!!

i took my "friend" to meet my parents yesterday so that was a bit scarey! they didn't say anything bad about him today when i saw them so i expect that is a good thing! they have gone off on a boat trip today with my dads old work mates. it is for the retired members so i think my mum was a bit put off as she is only 57, never mind mum you might get to see a few ducks!

well i must go now kids all in and will start moaning for food soon! i might come back later...my mind is full of things that i would like to share with anyone who does me the honour of reading my journal...if anyone has any good questions about my lifre and family why don't you put them to me and i will do my best to try and answer them.

bye for now...happy thoughts to all of you

JOANNE

xXxXx

 

Sunday 11 September 2005

wow this is crazy

hi everyone

what a lovely surprise i had this morning to find so many people had read my first journal. i even had comments posted from people who aren't even in this country...that was really cool!! i will try my hardest to get back to every single one of you but the weekends are normally really crazy trying to keep 3 children amused...especially when it is raining like it is today.

bethany is off to her repite carer for the afternoon so that i can have time with my boys and do things that bethany doesn't cope well with...shopping normally wins though i must say!

me and the boys are meeting my new "friend" (as my mum would call him) later...i will keep you all posted on that one. i have only been with him for 8 weeks so we are still at the really early stage, but he seems like a great guy. i do worry though for the children more than anything. my eldest 2 have been through so much already in their lives that sometimes i think i should stay single....but then i think i should have a life myself...do you think i'm selfish??

well i'm gonna have to go but will be back again in a while...baby bryce needs me.

happy thoughts to you all

joanne

xXx

i have added some pics of my babies so you know who i'm going on about!

Saturday 10 September 2005

my first time

well......where do i start?? this is my first try at having a journal so you will all have to bear with me if iys not too good, if anyones reads it that is! I have been inspired to write this by Jeannette who's journal i started to read today...so i want to thank her now and send a big hug to her for encouraging me to start.

i suppose i should tell you about myself. I'm 35 and live near Ipswich in Suffolk. I'm divorced (long story might share it one day) and have three children....Bethany 11, Charlie 9, and the love of my life Baby Bryce 18 months. My daughter has downs syndrome and my son charlie has ADHD, so life is always hectic and there4 is never a dull moment!! As we speak the eldest 2 are winding each other up and no doubt there will be tears shortly! We all live together and are mostly happy.

I'm very lucky to have a lovely mum who helps me out all the time with my kids. My dad is lovely too...thought i had better put that incase he ever reads this...LOVE YOU BOTH SO VERY MUCH!! They live nearby and are the first ones i turn to in times of trouble, which at the moment we seem to be avoiding very well, hope it lasts.

I'm not sure what else i should put but i will put up my photo so if i'm lucky enough to get any readers they will know who it is writing the journal.

Take care and hope you all have a good weekend...mine will be spent doing the normal...chinese takeaway and casualty on the tv!

happiness to everyone

Joanne

good luck Jeannette for monday!!